I received this great email from my dear friend Carol Skolnick, who is an AMAZING facilitator of The Work of Byron Katie (and is also going to be one of my featured speakersin my big secret below! ( Scroll below to find out more…)
Here’s what she emailed to me this week…
“Here’s a tip for your readers who may be feeling the energy drain of “too much stuff” or “wrong stuff.” As someone who moved twice in the past three years I’ve been using this myself for some time as I contemplate someday leaving my rented apartment.
“If you were to move tomorrow, would you take this with you?”
“If not, why are you keeping it now?” Write down your thoughts. Some of them will be legitimate reasons, such as “I enjoy the potted plants.” (And I wouldn’t take them with me because they wouldn’t survive a move.)
Others will be stressful beliefs or reasons filled with painful attachment, such as, “I can’t afford better furniture,” “I paid too much for it to give it away,” “This will be worth something someday,” “My grandmother would be unhappy if I let this go,” or “I might need it later.”
Take the stressful thoughts to inquiry using The Work of Byron Katie. Instructions and worksheets are available at TheWork.com.
Thanks so much to Carol for sharing her clutter-clearing insights and tips! I’m so grateful for her friendship, and for the inspiration for this week’s newsletter (don’t you love how that works?).
Many of you know that I’m a HUGE fan of “The Work of Byron Katie”. But can I tell you a little secret? After using her process in my own life for over 15 years, I now find myself using “The Work” mostly… well… in the closet! No joke. It’s actually a lil’ private indulgence of mine when I’m feeling stuck, bored or uninspired (or even when I’m avoiding something – sort of like cleaning the stove is for some of you!). And it’s “The Work” that I applied to every SINGLE item in my previous home before I made my big move….
What’s “The Work”? It’s an extremely simple, yet intensely powerful series of just 4 questions (link) serving as an internal inquiry process. First, you take any problem or stressful thought you have with the world, your partner, your coworkers, your home or your kids, and then break it down into simple, digestible beliefs.
Let’s use a painting I had in my closet as a clutter-clearing example:
MY INTERNAL STORY:
“I like this photo… it’s very soothing and pretty…. Although, it’s been sitting in my closet for over 4 years! And I spend a decent amount of money on it so I’d hate to get rid of it. Hm… I might want to hang on to it just in case its colors match my decor again. But to be honest, I’m not madly in love with it like I used to be. It’s nice, but doesn’t WOW me. And I bought it with my grandmother, so I’d feel bad getting rid of it…”
SOME UNDERLYING BELIEFS:
· I might be sad if I didn’t have it available to me in the future.
· The Universe might not provide me with more beautiful things.
· I’d feel guilty getting rid of it, like I’m tossing out memories of my grandmother!
· I might not be able to afford a new picture.
Then I explore all the beliefs that arise, one at a time.
The amazing things about beliefs are that most of them go unquestioned our entire lives. We get beliefs dumped into our little brain-computers from our parents, schools, magazines, televisions. And we make up new beliefs with each of our hurts and our triumphs. We download them, one by one… and that’s where most of them stay, forever and ever.
Now, some of them work for us and bring love and giggles and joy. Others bring only depression, anxiety and downright pain. But taking them out — one little belief at a time — and really giving them your love and attention, can shine a whole new life on the world as you currently believe it to be.
“The Work” 4 questions:
1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?
* Then do “The Turn Around” — an opposite statement from what you’ve thought or written.
“Are these thoughts even true? Can I absolutely know I will be sad if my decor matches this photo one day, and I don’t have it anymore? How do I live when I think the Universe is not an abundant place? Who would I be if I didn’t see this object as a reflection of my grandmother, but honored her memory within instead? And maybe, just maybe, I WILL be able to afford a new picture, when the time is right! What would my life be like if I lived lightly, simply and with faith that what I need will come to me at the perfect time?” I sit in stillness, asking myself questions… and listening for my soul, not my head, to respond.
Call me crazy, but THIS is what I do for fun! (and is what I did for a month straight with hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of my household objects!). It’s fun because questioning my stressful thoughts allows me to live more joyfully, clearly and honestly in every area of life. I’m no longer at the whim of all my internal stories about things, events or people–but rather, spending far more time with my hands flung high in the air on the roller coaster of life! This is also why I use this process with all of my coaching clients… why? Because it’s fast, it’s powerful, and it works… at least for those brave enough to question their beliefs!
But guess what?…. That photograph that was in my closet? It’s now living with a dear friend of mine who is head-over-heels in love with this image! What was stagnant in my life is truly inspiring in another’s….
To learn more about the 4 questions and how to apply them in your own life–to ANY subject, big or small– visit Carol’s beautiful site: ClearLifeSolutions.com or contact TheWork.org.
*Carol L. Skolnick is a Certified Facilitator of The Work of Byron Katie, a way to identify and question thoughts that create stress, suffering and self-limitation. Visit her website: http://www.clearlifesolutions.com
