Why Your Hunger for Love, Validation and Approval is a Recipe for Disaster.
I was with someone recently who is struggling to put her amazing talents out into the world, and to feel that deep, full-bellied feeling of fulfillment.
You may be able to relate.
But words say a lot. And what comes out of her mouth most are repeating tales of betrayal, worry, frustration and let-down. How someone hadn’t acknowledged her enough, showed sufficient enthusiasm, praised her thoroughly or responded with appropriate passion.
One thing’s for sure: she has a problem with her ICING.
(“…Did she say ICING?”)
Yup.
Icing = Your Outer World.
Cake = Your Inner Soul-full Self.
I see this a whole heck of a lot: women attempting to control, manipulate and entice their external world in the hopes of validating their very existence and worthiness — in the futile attempt to finally feel good about themselves deep within.
But that’s like dumping a glop of icing onto a plate and grumbling that it doesn’t look like cake.
“What?”
(Don’t worry… keep reading).
When you look to the outside to validate your insides, that’s working backwards. And it never, ever, ever, ever… EVER…works.
Even if you can coax someone into telling you you’re gorgeous, talented, kind and caring — it’s never enough. No amount of frosting ever amounts to a cake. And it’s only a matter of time before you’ve grabbed your spoon and are headed to the streets for your next frosting-fix.
When you need ANYTHING outside of yourself to feel “complete”, you’ll find yourself becoming very creative in a desperate attempt to keep those things and people around you.
You’ll say words and take actions that are not true for you — charming, laughing, calling, working, spending, speaking and moving in cunning ways to keep the frosting-facade a’float.
Like trying to slather icing onto a balloon — no matter how much you glop on top of it, no one will ever mistake it for the “real deal” (and it’s just a matter of time before the whole thing’s gonna explode).
So go through the following checklist. If ANY of the following were yanked from your life today, would you still feel whole and complete?
___ Partner
___ Career
___ Home
___ Money
___ Family
___ Belongings
If you listen closely, most people’s ego-desires are superficially focused on the attainment of that dreamy job, car, bank account or spouse.
“When I finally have ___________________, I’ll be complete at last!”
Thing is, the opposite is true. Before you can have your icing, you gotta make (and bake) your cake.
To be the Master Chef of your own life’s kitchen, that chocolaty, moist, soft center in your Soul must (I repeat), MUST come first — a core that is firm yet strong; solid yet flexible.
When you craft your center so it is sweet, fluffy, light and delicious, people and things and opportunities will be effortlessly drawn to your abundant aroma for miles and miles and miles around. Your presence will intoxicate and delight simply by being 100% Y-O-U.
Like any truly great cake, it can easily stand alone, and is utterly “enough” — with or without the icing, piping or decorations.
The opposite also is true: not even the best looking cake in the world (with every icing bell-n-whistle) can make up for a skunky center.
So don’t get “comfortable” with a crappy cake mix. Take the time to artfully prepare your life’s inner ingredients and spiritual savoriness so that you too have a great core cake — “good enough” to stand on your own. Exquisite enough to melt in our mouths (and hearts).
And heck, after that: Bring on the Icing!!!
If this article resonated with YOU, leave your comments below telling me about YOUR icing-cake tales…
Or if you’d like to explore your inner strengths and outer challenges with me personally, I’m still taking applications for the “Spring Success Sessions” — that’s 20-minutes of my undivided attention placed onto YOUR life so you can become the best “Cake” you can be! Click here to apply.
Bon Appetit till next week…
